Decisions, Decisions

So I have a huge opportunity here.  My dear friend is going to be opening up a birth center of her own sometime in the next couple of years, and has offered me the chance to help run the postpartum program and be in on setting it up and all.  Sounds like I’d essentially be her lieutenant.  We’ve talked about tons of what we like and what bugs us about the one we are at now, and we agree on everything we’ve brought up so far.  This could be an amazing chance for me to actually have some career advancement, get a better income, etc.

But she doesn’t want to do it here.  Which I get – there are a ton of midwives in Portland and a plethora of birth centers.  It would be a battle for clients, and she wants to go to an underserved area.  She’s thinking Eastern Oregon – Pendleton, La Grande, Baker City, somewhere out there.  They are desperate for midwives, she could do a ton of good.  She’s not expecting me to move – but if I want to, the choice is there.

Overall, I’m fine with it.  Honestly, I don’t see my friends more than every few months anyway, it’s only a few hours away, I could come back every month or so, stay the night, see people. (because in theory I’d have enough of a better income that I could get a more reliable car)

The piece that had me in tears from the moment she brought it up?  Leaving Diana.  Leaving my studio.  I love it there.  She has become one of my touchstones.  I see her several times a week.  I spend tons of time at the studio.  It’s my second home.  I love my girls.  I love my teachers.  I adore Diana.  She’s seen me through so much.  And sure, I can probably drop in on a class here and there when I come to town to visit – but it’s so not the same.  She’s a part of my daily life in a way that pretty much nobody else is (other than online).

None of this is happening anytime soon.  It will probably be next summer at the earliest before anything happens.  But that doesn’t matter to my emotional processing, of course.  It’s been picking at my heart since she first told me, a few days ago.  Went to a competition today, and as often happens, I got several chunks of time when I got to spend time with Diana.  I love that.  Also, I was there for about 15 hours and I’m exhausted.  So yeah, I was BAWLING on the way home.

This could be what it takes to turn my financial life around.  And I DON’T WANT TO LEAVE DIANA.

Decision to be made later.  Crying to happen for now.

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