There I Go Again

WARNING: This blog entry is entirely about me indulging in an orgy of self-pity. Proceed at your own risk.

You’d think that someday I’d just figure out the part where you can’t count on anyone. I don’t know, maybe I have figured it out, just can’t accept it. Whichever. But it’s still amazing to me that I’m still able to be shocked when I get let down yet again.

It’s not even about the stupid soup. It’s about having been forgotten about. Again. Cue abandonment issues running amok.

Here’s some totally awful truth – part of why I was looking for a boyfriend was just so that I might finally have SOMEONE for whom I wasn’t more than halfway down the list of priorities. Everyone thinks that I am such a priority for them – but the fact of the matter is that as soon as push comes to shove, I will be the first “priority” to be dropped. It’s frustrating to be the one who will do *anything* for a friend, yet have that eternally be one sided. Sure, everyone’s got their spouses and families and kids. Well, family isn’t really an option for me. And I’m back in a “never having kids” phase. But a spouse should at least be a theoretical possibility.

And if that’s not the most pathetic reason for wanting to find someone, I don’t know what would be. *sigh*

Just need to get over it and realize that it’s just me against the world and probably always will be.


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