:)

Have I mentioned how much I love my doctor?

So I called her today with an update – I’ve been concerned with this whole “I’m taking much better care of myself, and yet feeling worse than when I was actively being self-destructive” thing. I haven’t been sleeping since I went off the Xanax. And then today I got a recurrence of my (hopefully) psychosomatic chest pain – that’s always fun. Such things tend to be anxiety-related, so I finally got a clue and took some of the herbs that she recommended – and I have been forgetting to take. Sure enough, it subsided after that, which does argue for it being still psychosomatic. Also, my mucous membranes are nice and pink and my capillary refill time is under a second – which means that I’m having no circulatory issues, nor blood oxygenation issues. And I am eating consistently and adding salt and lemon to my water when I work out, so it shouldn’t be an electrolyte issue. Anyway, so I left her a voicemail about all of that stuff. She called me back this evening, not long after I got home from working at the studio. We talked for a good chunk of time (and she had to chase her kids off at least once, so this was on her own time, after she’d gone home). Current plan is for me to get off my ass and actually *contact* my therapist (as I said I’d do last Friday) to see about getting a referral to a support group or someone willing to work for free/on a steep sliding scale, since she’s not practicing for the next 2 years, according to her website. Remember to take the herbal anxiety remedy – and do so every 4 hours, not allowing it time to build up into anything serious. (omg proactive medicine? yup, normal with a naturopathic doctor) She’s going to prescribe me some more Xanax to take at bedtime – 2 weeks’ worth with a refill, she trusts me not to abuse it. And it would be really nice to get some sleep again – I haven’t slept well since I went off it, last Thursday. We also got to speak briefly about nutrition – nothing in-depth, but she did encourage me to continue with what I have been eating, maybe add some fish, and listen to those protein cravings, despite how much I worry about eating “too much” protein. And yes, common sense would have told me many of these things, but it’s a relief to hear them from the “medical authority” in my world.

So she’ll be calling the script in in the morning – which is great, means I can pick it up on the way home. Gonna stop at Limbo on the way home too and get some more Pu Erh tea – don’t know if it will help, but it won’t hurt, and it would be a psychological relief to feel like I’m doing something actively to change my weight, anyway.

And yeah, having a plan is great, don’t get me wrong – but I think half of the relief is just having someone who’s, even slightly, taking care of me. It definitely feels good.

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