Update

Fridays tend to be very quiet in my world. I like that. I’m on call 24 hours on Thursday *and* Saturday, so doing much on Fridays is rough. Whatever exactly it was that happened on Thursday, it shook me enough to make me aware of what I’ve been doing to myself. I lingered at work long enough for the receptionist to get there – not intentionally, but since she was there, I asked if she might remind my doctor that I want to talk to her. I hate to keep harassing her, but things have been so rough. Anyway, had a good breakfast when I got home – omelet with a bit of milk, an avocado, green onion, and some of my “farmer cheese”. Good stuff. Knocked about online a bit, then had a nap. I meant to get up in time to have a good lunch before ballet, but I was really tired. I did scarf some yogurt before I went – good protein in there. I actually was debating skipping ballet because of my level of fatigue – but I haven’t had it in two weeks, it’s a very important class to me, and after that stupid dream I really needed to see Diana. I meant to try to take it easy in class, but I got a little sidetracked. Which is good, though, if I’m able to forget my ED stress long enough to lose myself in dance.

The other main reason I didn’t want to skip was because I’d arranged with Diana to show her the piece I’m working on after class. Wow, that was more stressful than I expected. But more to come on that when I finally do an entry on the piece itself. 🙂

After class, I borrowed an empty studio to work on some of the suggestions Diana had for my piece and see if I could add on to it. Once I went home, I grabbed one of my chicken salads and went to soak in a hot bath for a while. Just after I’d gotten out and dressed, my friend texted me with a reminder that they were having a game night. I wasn’t certain about crowds, but I’m glad I went. There were only two other people besides my friends and myself, so it wasn’t a “crowd”. Having people around made it easier to eat and not obsess about what I was eating, or how much, etc. We were drinking too, and I’m surprised at how much I had – but what I was drinking was smoothies with rum, so it wasn’t nearly as much as the others, no shots or mixers. I made sure to also have a kombucha and quite a bit of water, and I never got sick or had a hangover, so yay. I did get a wee bit nauseated in the middle of the evening, just after I’d poured my second drink, and I was worried about that, but I took it slow and backed off on both it and food for a bit and things were fine.

After I got home, I emailed Diana to ask if I could come by the studio today after classes were over (they’re morning classes on Saturdays) and work on my piece some more – she said I could, but I decided not to. I woke up unbelievably sore and exhausted. I was incredibly cold last night, to the point that I had to get up around 4 am (went to bed around 1 or 2) to turn up the heat and get another blanket, I just couldn’t get warm. I’m clearly suffering from the physical effects of the starvation I’ve been putting myself through, and I think the best thing for me right now is to spend the weekend wrapped up in blankets, watching movies or reading, eating food, and resting. Been eating pretty well today, soaked in the bath for a while earlier in the afternoon, now watching Eli Stone on Netflix. May get ambitious and go play some Tomb Raider later on today. I was debating maybe taking a walk if the sun held – well, the sun did hold, but it’s getting late and I think that I need the rest more than anything.

Oh, and the receptionist’s reminder worked – I heard back from my doctor last night. Only via text, but that was a good thing since I was already at my friend’s house for game night. So I was able to have a conversation with her via text message and keep things fairly discreet.

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